Human Resources , Recruiters, Headhunters, Managers….we’ve all seen what I like to call “Resume Bling.” It’s a distraction. It’s annoying. It’s entertaining. I’d estimate that 50% of the resumes I see are at least guilty of some overzealous thesaurus use. Not all job seekers go overboard with this, but I have seen both “gargantuan” and “brobdignagian” used to describe an applicant’s past accomplishments on a resume. The use of fifty cent words is only the surface of “resume bling”. Here’s the list of bling mistakes I love to hate and the personalities I imagine behind these elaborations. (Yes, this is what recruiters do in their spare time.)
Offense #1…..Swirly Elaborate Font used on Resume: Requires a very fancy office with loads of matching accessories. Being forced to use generic brand office supplies constitutes a hostile workplace. Cannot work in an ugly or plain environment as it stifles their creativity and will most likely cause enough stress to trigger a migraine.
Offense #2……Resume printed with Colored Ink/Colored Paper: Sells Mary Kay or Avon on the side and will drive everyone in the office crazy with offers of free consultations and solicitations for party bookings. In every other way this is a great employee who would never be seen in public without a smile. You will never see this employee looking any less than perfect, making an ideal candidate for outside sales positions.
Offense #3…..Scented Resumes: Go ahead and program the fire department onto your speed dial. The office will be filled with incense, candles, oils and various other aromatherapy solutions for de-stressing. This employee often takes on the role of unofficial office counselor and can get bogged down by others’ problems (usually initiated after reading a troubled coworkers’ aura).
Offense #4…..Photos on Resume: Currently pursuing a career in modeling or acting. Has settled for hourly work juuust until they land their first movie part. Not wanting you to be unprepared when they quit showing up for work to take their breakthrough role, this considerate employee will spend the entire interview giving you every detail about their anticipated big break. “The Mother” is likely his or her agent and biggest advocate. Expect to hear from her anytime your employee has a sniffle or gets their feelings hurt.
Offense #5…..Graphics on Resume: Serious “crafter” who would do jail time for an internship with Martha Stewart. While at work will spend all down time recreating the company logo with ClipArt, cutting & pasting enhancements to memos, and planning office parties(complete with invitations & announcements). This is a generous employee who will be the first to volunteer her talents. She feels an obligation to share her gift with the world and also owns a BeDazzler.
