With the holiday season fast approaching, I’m sure anyone out of work will appreciate the extra time they’ll get to spend with family & friends just by following these simple steps on how not to get a job!
Before the interview……

• Absolutely reschedule at the last minute because of a routine dentist appointment you forgot about when you set up the interview.   If you didn’t plan well enough to do this, then by all means make one up or feign important “errands” that cannot be done anytime outside the hour in question.  Even better, just don’t show up!  Then call to reschedule 2 weeks later, and be sure to blame it on the receptionist.   

An acceptable alternative is to call the morning of the interview and get the Hiring Manager on the phone.  Let him/her know that you are calling from bed and are not sure whether it is worth your time to come in.   Ask them for a guarantee that you’ll get the job before expending effort into getting up.

• You’ll hear people telling you to prepare for an interview.  Baloney!    You’re not getting paid for it!  Don’t waste your time researching the company; it’s their job to educate you.  Don’t bring your resume; if Human Resources are doing their job, they’ll have it out, waiting on you to get there.   Don’t waste your time by writing down directions either, you can always call on the way and have the manager talk you through traffic. 

Once you’re there……

• Arrive late, huff down a minimum of two cigarettes on your way into the building, then spray on 7 or 8 squirts of perfume or cologne (it doesn’t matter what brand).  The two scents mingle quite well.  The only way to further enhance this odiferous duo is by making it a trio!  Add a little punch with:  body odor, pet odor or garlic breath.
• Bring your support system.  Friends, Mom, Dad, and most importantly your children.  Show them that your family is involved in ALL decisions.  It’s a great deal for them, like getting 4 or 5 opinions for the price of 1!! When interviewing with a “family-oriented” company, they will appreciate the initiative you took in translating their values.
• Breakfast is the most important meal of every day, but especially on an important day like this one!  Swing through a drive through and pick up something (preferably) fried.  DO NOT eat it yet!! Wait until you are at least 5 minutes into the meeting.  Then pull it out of your purse or pocket and enjoy!  If the interviewer gives you a strange look, offer a bite!  He’s obviously hungry.  And don’t forget to chew with your mouth open! 

Our employees are important to us.  That’s why it’s sooo important for honest feedback.  Was this post helpful in “Not” getting you the job?  Sign in and post your success story!

More from Job Seeker 411 on December 15th….Does Santa adhere to EEOC Policies?